A THING CALLED LOVE

I’ll admit it, I am the person who is always happy and my happiness is somewhat contagious to others. But these past few days, I observed that there is something different in me as I am sad, want to be alone at times, and seldom speak. I don’t know why but looking at the things that are happening to me, may be I have a clue…….. love.

I am 31 years old turning 32 this August 2012, I can say that I seldom fall in love since I got matured. I can also count in my fingers the girls that I have affectionately admired. Working also with different companies does not give me the privilege of courting women as I am always busy… lots of overtime and sometimes juggling two works at the same time. But when I reached 30, things became different, I started to fall for a girl…. I can say that the feeling was good…. always inspired. I can also say that as a lover, I can do anything that would be required by such relationship. But things became different when the girl said no to me. I started to pity myself up to the point of cursing my condition, thinking that if I am a normal person, things would be different. Despite the no that I received from her, I kept loving the person only that communication and our relationship toward each other became adamant.  There is even a time that I blamed myself … that if it is not because of my courage to court her, our friendship will not be ruined. Come March 30, 2012, the day when she decided to leave the company, I send her messages expressing my wish for her…. that she would be safe… that she would be always in good condition whenever and wherever she will be.  That day, I regret myself as I was not able to talk to her personally, but I said there will be another chance for me to talk to her personally when she have her clearance. However, HR people told me that she applied for clearance on the day that I left for a vacation. But I keep hoping and praying that if possible, I can see her again just for the last time. I have proven that somehow God heard my prayers as they were granted when she took her clearance. That day, I had my courage to talk to her but was not able to express my real feelings about her.

February 14, 2012, Valentine’s Day, I thought of something that would differentiate my experience on that occasion. I requested my mother to buy a half dozen of red roses and send it to the office with the name of a girl. That girl, she is graciously beautiful, worthy of all the respect, and someone who definitely inspired me. I don’t know if it is courting but everytime that nice things happen to me, I have something for her, be it a simple bar of chocolate, or anything that I thought would make her happy. Another that I like about her is that she knows well how to appreciate everytime that I gave her something and it gives me much inspiration. As it is in my character, which I accepted to myself, that I am “torpe” I had my bestfriend in the office to serve as a tulay. I told him that I am just amazed by how the girl appreciated anything that I gave her however I also told my bestfriend that I still have an admiration to the first. Come the month of May 2012, when rumors spread that my bestfriend have a feeling to the girl that I gave gifts. At first, I was in denial, thinking that it is not happening to me particularly to be betrayed by my own bestfriend.  Maybe it was also my fault, that I told him everything or it is just being disrespectful on the part of my bestfriend.  Come May 15, 2012 when she also decided to leave the company. She came at the office 1:30 pm, 30 minutes before my dismissal, I decided to wait for her along with other friends. I thought, maybe she will notice my  effort toward her.  But things are starting to affect me when I came to know that she answered my bestfriend and when our colleagues started to inquire like what happened, is he your bestfriend, what will you do. These really affect me to the point of self-pitying myself, and asking questions like am I not a good friend, am I the person who is destined to be disrespected. However, I prove one thing, that I am matured enough in handling things like this. 

FAREWELL

One late afternoon, I came home with my mother smiling at me, then I grab her hand to pay respect. I entered our house and found everything different, it is then that I realized my father has gone, gone in the sense that he joined his Creator. How I miss my father, who I considered my best friend, as someone who was always there for me and for the whole family.

When my father was alive, we, together with my sister and mother are living in a life of joy since he was our guide and that is to say the he was able to guide us in the right path. Though life is sometimes hard for us, we were able not to feel such hardship as he provided us so well even to the point that he incurred lots of credit to various government agencies. What I admired most of my father is his complacency with all the things that came to our family…. to decide even in times of extreme pressure. His professional life is also a thing that I want to emulate since as a government employee, he was able to lead a life with dignity and profound humility.

The life of my father can be said as one that is full of mishaps but one that is exciting to live. He was orphaned at the age of three with his two siblings. They were taken cared of by their aunt who was incapable of raring them in a good way so my father was forced to work at an early age. However, I can say that my father is also one that good fortunes come or should I say that it is through his hardwork that he was able to have everything that he has. With all these, I truly admired my father.

November, 2011, I woke up and found my father unable to stand by his own. I then realized that he suffered complete paralysis. From then on, we took cared of him to the best of our abilities. Then 3 days before his death, he stopped eating and drinking to the point that he was already thin and was unable to speak. December 16, 2011, I attended our company Christmas party but I left soon so that I can spend time with him and because there was something in me that dictates I should be with my father. Comes the morning of December 17, my father left us with silence and peace. I tried not to cry, but I have proven that it was instinct that dictates me to cry. Back then, I felt alone staring at my father’s body. Questions came my mind……. What now?...... what will happen to us……but reminiscing the life that he has …… I found my self thanking him

To my father……… thank you….. and till we meet again.